Tag: #relationships

Why Did I Do That? Episode 1

So I sit here on my couch, at 1:15 am. My feet are propped up and crossed on our coffee table that’s had a long history. (Thirty-plus years ago, my husband and his friend went on a cross country trip and this is one the items he brought home.) Anyway, I sit here wondering Why did I do that?

I awoke to the familiar sound of snoring. I curiously looked up the etymology of snore while writing this. It is from the Middle English for snort. As I picture a hog in his pen, I decide that is a good description of the sounds emitted from his body unbeknownst to him, but quite “beknownst” to me. That body, next to me, trilled with many different snorts – some short, some loud, some that change pitch…I listened for a bit and then began responding to my beloved.

I began to mimic his snores, snorts, sounds. It was as if I was responding to his call. As if we were two birds calling to each other – our very own bird song. I responded to my true love with all the different versions of his call – mimicking each sound back to him. I did this for a few minutes and then smiled and thought Why did I do that? I laughed and popped up out of bed, remembering I the recording I recently made of his snoring. That morning, I let him listen to his beautiful, unique, just meant for me, nightly love song. I wonder what this morning will bring. I’m going back to bed!

Why Did I Do That? Episode 1

So I sit here on my couch, at 1:15 am. My feet are propped up and crossed on our coffee table that’s had a long history. (Thirty-plus years ago, my husband and his friend went on a cross country trip and this is one the items he brought home.) Anyway, I sit here wondering Why did I do that?

I awoke to the familiar sound of snoring. I curiously looked up the etymology of snore while writing this. It is from the Middle English for snort. As I picture a hog in his pen, I decide that is a good description of the sounds emitted from his body unbeknownst to him, but quite “beknownst” to me. That body, next to me, trilled with many different snorts – some short, some loud, some that change pitch…I listened for a bit and then began responding to my beloved.

I began to mimic his snores, snorts, sounds. It was as if I was responding to his call. As if we were two birds calling to each other – our very own bird song. I responded to my true love with all the different versions of his call – mimicking each sound back to him. I did this for a few minutes and then smiled and thought Why did I do that? I laughed and popped up out of bed, remembering I the recording I recently made of his snoring. That morning, I let him listen to his beautiful, unique, just meant for me, nightly love song. I wonder what this morning will bring. I’m going back to bed!

Setting Boundaries

Do you have someone in your life that consumes so much of your time so that their needs are met? Do you help them so often that you are unable to complete your own tasks? Do you feel frustrated? resentful?

I recently learned about “energy vampires.” Boy, do some people know some serious bloodsuckers! I quickly realized that I had one in my very own midst! Trying to avoid the fate of awakening each day from my own cozy coffin, I, with the help of friends, brainstormed ways to keep me from such a demise!

Let’s back it up though…. before I was aware of how much energy I was putting into this person and why I was feeling so stressed, here’s a few things I did on a regular basis: answered questions, helped, taught, explained, modeled, gave, suggested strategies, retaught, explained and modeled differently, gave more, came up with more strategies to the same problems, answered more questions,…Does this sound familiar?

The first boundary I set was asking politely, “Would you be willing to wait until I get my coat off before asking me questions? It helps me start my day off on a postive note when I get myself settled in at my desk first.” I know, pretty tough, right? It was a baby step, but it worked. Unfortunately, nothing else changed. I wondered, does a vampire feel as if they are a thoughtful friend if the ask so sweetly to bite into your neck? The thirst for more was evident behind that poor mesmile.

I did try setting some indirect boundaries that not only did not work, but fostered resentment in me. As this resentment increased over time, the more I became the poor me. One of the last times I tried to help this person, it didn’t end well. By then I had built up so much anger, at me! I was mad for not taking care of myself. Depleted of that life-giving force barely running through my veins, I needed support! I had a terrible few days and once again, it was all about the vamp! Feeling hurt, I blew up! Quickly feeling shamed of my behavior, I sincerely apologized for yelling. What happened then you ask? I heard once again, the Poor Me mantra. I really had to figure this out – for my own mental health!

I read and was given a number of ideas on how to respond to this sweet, caring, gentle and wonderful person, who when not donning a black cape and fangs, is genuinely lovely. Four months had past from our new partnership and I knew I had to do something! I was prepared with a list of things I would say the next time I was charmingly invited to dinner for one.

It came the next morning (to no surprise by me), but I was prepared. What surprised me was what came out of my mouth – not the many phrases I had been given – but something very different. The thoughts in my head were put on hold. Instead, I spoke from my heart and said, “I’m not sure if you’ve realized this or not, but for the past few weeks (the new year), I’ve been really trying to set boundaries for myself. I’ve realized that when I help people so much, I don’t get my own work done. When I don’t get my work done, I feel stressed and have to do more of it at home. This takes more time away from my husband and he misses me. I hope you understand.” It was understood and I thanked my heart for stepping in and taking the lead!

P.S. Things have really changed!! ….but I still keep the list of phrases prepared, just in case…

Two’s Company, Three’s a Tri-umph!

As I supped with two friends this afternoon, the phrase Two’s company, three’s a crowd kept popping in my head like a Jiffy Pop pan being removed and returned to the stovetop over and over. The thought that was paired with it was, “Really? This threesome is rockin’ this high tea joint.”

I kept thinking, three friends together seems like a perfect combo. But doesn’t a combo refer to a twosome? Like the pretzel snack Combos – pretzel and cheese? No it does not! According to Merriam-Webster, a combo is a small musical group or a combination of different things – referring to a number of people or items. But then again, I saw a question on algebra.com that read, “If I have 5 pants and 3 shirts, how many combinations do I have?” Isn’t that pairs, or twosomes? Hm…

I went back to Merriam-Webster, to find the definition of ‘two’s company, three’s a crowd. It is an idiom used when two people want to be alone together and a third person is not welcome. Now I see…it’s a matter of choice, and why the phrase didn’t combine with my siesta.

Sitting with one friend for a chat…I wonder am I talking too much? Did I listen carefully? Will I remember this information? It’s a two-way conversation, pure and simple. The conversation is a teeter-totter, flowing back and forth, back and forth….smooth and easy until one kid thinks it’s funny to sit on the end of the seat landing on the earth holding the other youth, legs dangling, hanging on for dear life. Who wants to endure being a conversational hostage?

My curiosity not satisfied, I kept searching like Sherlock Holmes looking for clues. Quora.com presented me with this tidbit – One of the earliest versions of ‘“two is company, three is a crowd” was recorded in 1678 by John Ray, in his collection English Proverbs English Proverbs, p.471 One’s too few, three too many.’

I totally disagree, Mr. Ray. I find three the perfect combination. Fairytales almost always include the number three – Goldilocks and The Three Bears, The Three Little Pigs, Rumpelstiltskin gives the queen three guesses, etc. The power of the number three – body, mind, soul – Father, Son, Holy Spirit – solid, liquid, gas – Newton’s three laws of motion – even School House Rock sings ‘Three is a magic number!” I could go on and on.

My interest appeased, I confidently sit, knowing this idiom does not depict today’s quaint afternoon trigonal tea. Our three-way conversation flowed like molasses, sweetening our time together. We ladies chatted through the three course meal, like three hens in a hen house. We saw no evil, spoke no evil and heard no evil. Our trinity continued to solidify like the strongest geometric shape, the triangle. Before leaving, we performed Rock, Paper, Scissors to see who would be in charge of our next outing.

Two’s company…. three was a triumph!